Before Skizz

Incensed by Before Watchmen, I considered penning a parody featuring Alan Moore's 2000AD creation, Skizz. I had two serious goes at writing this, the first an out-and-out comedy, followed by a second version, much more akin to a pastiche, after I started to get interested in what a Skizz prequel might really be like. In the end I set aside the idea, and now it's so profoundly untopical as to be unlikely ever to see the light of day.

However, I don't think I have blogged one of my page breakdowns for a while, so here for your amusement is a panel by panel plan of the earlier, "funnier" Before Skizz...

Page 1

1)

Caption: Skizz was co-created by Alan Moore of Watchmen fame! Yes! So you are actually reading a brand new, Moore-quality comic right now!*

Caption: *Legal note: Alan Moore does not endorse this statement.

Skizz's spaceship approaches a small planet.

2)

Skizz in his cockpit.

Skizz: That planet looks interesting, computer.

Computer: Unfortunately, if we stop here you will be late for the Formalhaut Ore Discussions.

3)

Skizz: Ten clicks won't make any difference. Let's take a quick look around.

Computer: If we must.

4)

Spaceship lands by a huge, ancient, dilapidated Romanesque temple.

Page 2

1)

Skizz exits his ship.

2)

Skizz finds a plaque with indistinguishable alien characters written on it.

3)

Skizz runs his hand across the tablet, translating it as he does so.

Skizz: Temple.... of.... Glycon.

Link: Interesting.

4)

Skizz enters the temple.

5)

It's dark.

Skizz: Hello... hello.... anyone there?

Page 3

1)

A huge serpent bears above Skizz.

Serpent: artisticintegretiyartisticintegrityartisitic integrity.

2)

The serpent's move his face right up to Skizz's mask.

Serpent: artisticintegrityartisticintegrityartisticintegerity

Skizz: I am sorry, but what do you mean by “artistic integrity”?

3)

Serpent: Exactly my point!

4)

The serpent slithers off.

5)

Skizz looks confused.

Skizz: What a strange being.

Page 4

1)

Skizz goes back into to his ship.

2)

Computer: We're late now, Interpreter Zhcchz.

Skizz: Increase speed ten percent over safe limits.

3)

Computer: That's unsafe. Obviously. Denied.

Skizz: Overrule, it will be fine just this once!

4)

Computer: Tsk. If you insist. Brace yourself.

5)

Skizz's ship speeds away from the planet.

Caption: Ha, bad decision, Skizz!

Caption: Now Go and Buy the Skizz trade to see what happens next! The script is by Alan “Watchmen” Moore, who also wrote Watchmen. Did we mention that?

Whatever Happened To...?

It's not often I get excited about mainstream comics these days, but a pair of releases from DC had me pre-ordering away earlier in the summer. I couldn't even wait for the Titan editions so probably overpaid horribly to import these:

The Gaiman Batman story has come out of some Grant Morrison headline-seeking nonsense about Bruce Wayne being "dead", but fortunately it's not linked to that at all. It's sort of a generic last Batman story apart from the point is clearly Batman will never need one. More accurately, Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader? is about Batman the cultural phenomenon rather than Batman's death.

It's an affecting piece of work, very metaphysical but with a genuine emotional core. It's also got lots of references to Batman's entire history, but all weaved in so that you don't need to get them for it to make sense.

The supporting stories in the graphic novel are in a similar vein, but alas fairly inconsequential. The Riddler Secret Origin is a love letter to Adam West-style adventures. The Batman Black & White strip is a one joke affair (and a rather sorry joke at that). Only Poison Ivy's Secret Origin is up to Gaiman's usual standard, and it's probably no coincidence that this also the only story in the entire volume that's actually about a character rather than an icon.

Of course, everything but the title Batman strip is old, and absolutely everything in the Superman volume is from the 80s. That's not a problem though as Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow contains the entirety of Alan Moore's landmark work on the character. It was during the period when he was reshaping comics into his own image, and as you'd expect the content is still amazingly good.

The title story provides a proper conclusion for Silver Age Superman's adventures, and actually finishes them in a way pretty reminiscient of the conclusion of Watchmen. Even non-Superman lovers like myself have to admit this is one of hell of a strip.

The supporting features are just as good. A Swamp Thing / Superman crossover that really packs a punch, followed by the sublime For The Man Who Has Everything, which sees Supes plunged into a Better Than Life style situation where Krypton wasn't destroyed, so he grew up as Kal-El and married an actress. Dave Gibbons art too. Wonderful.

I'd read all these stories before as part of a previous Moore collection, but that also included his work on lesser strips such as Green Lantern and Vigilante which diluted the impact somewhat. Here at last it's possible to see with absolute certainty that Moore's version of Superman is the greatest ever.

Such a shame really that both Gaiman and Moore are now only really part time comic writers. Gaiman has bigger fish to fry and Moore prefers the obscurity of writing pretty much exclusively (and mostly prose) for Top Shelf, where he has the 100% creative freedom his talent has always demanded.

Comics needs more writers of this quality.